Flower Child Muses

Even though we still have a few weeks left...the kiddos are all back in school, and I can feel the summer winding down around me. My heart is so full, despite the pain of the world around me. Or maybe its because of all the anger in the world that I am flooding myself with positivity and light and love. I can't bear to wallow. It's been 8 weeks since I blogged, and in all honesty it's because we've just been so damn busy. 4th of July, concerts, bbqs, births of babies, and just general cherishing of each other. I started a new job a little over a month ago. And while of course I still want to be a hippie and work for myself from my home, the stress relief has been immense. My previous job might have been making me sick with stress. I was having major GI problems, and it got to the point where my fibro was flaring and I felt horrible 95% of the time. We are still trying to dig out the root cause of the tummy troubles (basically we are down to either GERD or Celiac&#

It's been miserably hot here in the mid-west the last two weeks. Evidently we are trapped in a heat dome, and therefore have had consistent highs in the 90s...which for Kansas City in June, is not typical. It feels like it's August already. This makes me nervous for when *actual* August arrives. I vaguely recall August of 2012, when the drought started and we were living in Wichita. I'm pretty sure we had something crazy like 15 days in a row where the temp got over 100. It. Was. Miserable. For now, I will just keep being thankful for air conditioning. Little man has been playing t-ball for about 4 weeks now, and he had his second game a few days ago. I got a new camera (a Canon EOS Rebel SL1) and I've been taking it out for spins, playing with settings and getting used to the hundreds of things I can do with it. I love that I get shots like this. Yes, he has his glove on his head...he's 7. Right out of the box, it's amazing. And I'm pretty sure

I am finally getting to the point where I can put words to what I'm feeling, how I've responded and am continuing to respond to the horror that befell 300 of my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters this past Sunday morning. Part of me still doesn't have the words, but I have to get it out. I have to pour it out on this virtual page, because there are moments when it threatens to crash over me and drown me in sorrow. This has shaken me. I fell madly in love with, and married, a man. Because of this, I get to be protected by my heterosexual relationship to 99.99% of the world. As my friends who love me, and quite a few family members know though, if orientation is a spectrum, then I am somewhere in the middle. Part of me processing this horror, has been stepping back and just trying to support my dear friends and loved ones who don't fall in the middle...I feel like every. damn. day. they are fighting for their loves. For their rights. Sometimes for their lives. They have

We went to see Florence + the Machine last night for Buzz Under the Stars Night 1. It was blessed. Flo took me to church and shook my soul up, and soothed my weary heart with her voice. It's my second time seeing her in concert, and I think each time is always going to be like a religious experience. It's magic when an artist moves you to tears over and over. Yesterday was full of excitement and love and peace. Today (tonight really), my funk has started to rear its ugly head again. I feel...listless and restless and ready to explode out of my skin. I've been perusing my favorite website, Rebelle Society , reading beautiful essays and poetry that resonate deeply, reflecting my worries and fears and anguish back to me and forcing me to look. Forcing me to accept that I'm hurting and scared when I want to just keep pretending that I'm all good. Accepting my slump, I feel, is the first step towards pulling out of it. The cycles of depression I go through

That is my life at the moment. We have been so busy- and it's not going to stop for awhile, at least another week. I told Jon today that there's a very large part of me that wants to say "Screw it" and splurge on a vacation for us this summer. My batteries need recharging. And for me, that means we get the fuck outta dodge and either go breathe in some mountain air or bury our toes in the sand at the Gulf. That means we go make memories as a family away from the every day bullshit. Either this... Or this...doesn't really matter to me, both are beautiful. I feel like I'm in a bit of a funk right now...not satisfied with work, feeling trapped and stuck. I can't be UN-stuck for awhile, so I'm maintaining and every day I get just a little more frustrated and anxious and sometimes it feels like I can't breathe. I also told Jon today that I can see the desire to buy an RV and just travel around the country, wandering. Of course that

I'm not going to lie. I'm totally starting this blog post on Monday night, and I will be wrapping it up/publishing on Tuesday (edit here...or Wednesday...). You see, I just listed 12 new things on Amazon, edited some pictures and put up some Etsy listings, made dinner, fed my boys, and I'm. so. tired. But everything needs to get done. Like yesterday. Interesting fact though, speaking of Amazon...I couldn't figure out why none of my listings were showing up in search. In my head, I'm going "What the h, Amazon, you invited me to open my shop finally, what's the deal?" As I dug and dug, I realized that in the handmade section, only 3 main categories were showing up...wait a second... Turns out, the new categories aren't actually "live" yet. And Amazon hasn't told us when we will be live either. I did get an email this morning telling me to make sure my Artisan profile was done and I had listings up in the shop within the next

It's Super Tuesday NY Edition! Super-Mega-NYC Tuesday! Or something... If you've paid attention to CNN/MSNBC/FOX in the last 48 hours, that's what the 24 hour news stations are pitching, anyway. Right now Bernie has Hillary under a 20 point lead. With 45+% to still report, I'm feel *somewhat* confident that it will get under 15%. Berners (yeah, I went there) knew this was a likely outcome. Onward, forward, etc etc etc. Sometimes I think America doesn't deserve Bernie Sanders. Or maybe we just aren't ready for him. God knows we need him though. Moving on. Kansas City FINALLY had a good day of rain yesterday. It was glorious. I came home from work, set the kiddo up with a snack and threw on grubby clothes and spent most of the evening outside in the garden, playing in the mud (it had stopped raining by this point, at least) and pulling up phlox. Yeah. You saw that right. Phlox. The bane of my gardening existence. See, our house sits on a .76 acre lot i

My totes awesome (yes, I just used "totes" in a sentence in place of "totally" un-ironically...don't judge me) husband got me this book at Target last week: I love Target so much. SO. MUCH. His thought process was that I can use it to get inspiration for the blog, things to jog my brain, and a place to jot down thoughts. He might be a genius, because in true Target fashion, this book is pretty amazing. I can't wait to start using it, and when I use a prompt, I'll let you guys know at the end of the post that this little blue book is where it started. I also got invited to join Amazon Handmade. I'm going to be giving it a whirl...the monthly fees don't start until August, so until that time I'll be in both Etsy and Amazon. Here's the linky link, but there's not much moved over yet (ok, so there's only one listing so far, because I just started this 3 hours ago)(it would have been nice to have a listing importer like some o

I've been neglecting you. But not on purpose. Just busy busy this past weekend. I will be back to regularly scheduled programming...soonish...PROMISE! I will give you a funny to tide you over. My husband shared this on my Facebook. :P Because this is totally me. Kindle? Nope, can't do it. I need to feel its pages, smell that smell. I'm gonna start using that hashtag, haha! PS- Follow me on Instagram @shadeygirl149 for lots of everyday nonsense        On Pinterest @shadeygirl for all kinds of nerdy, geeky, political goodness        On Etsy @flowerchildsboutique & flowerchildcozies to buy my handmade lovelies/support a        local artist/small business/just show me love

That pretty much perfectly describes my Sunday so far. Our awesome Missouri weather is playing games with my head and sinuses (seriously, it was 65 on Wednesday, and last night it SNOWED, and tomorrow it's supposed to be 65 again), and it's got me feeling pretty run down today. Which is totally lame because.... I got this beauty in the mail today! The Singer Quantum Stylist 9960 <3 I'm in love already...I've managed to get her up and running, threaded, and some practice stuff sewn. After my Curvy, she is so quiet! And is it weird that I'm giving my machine a gender pronoun...? And yes, that's a Singer serger hiding back there. I don't use my serger nearly enough...my thread tensions have been jacked up for quite some time now, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to get it quite right...I end up having to sew an extra seam right next to the serged edge, which kind of defeats the purpose for time saving... Moving on though, I really wish

I said I would write tonight, so I'm going to. We're gonna get all kinds of political up in here, so fasten your seat belt. I'm feeling the Bern. Hard. Have been since he announced he was running. Before Bernie threw his name in the ring, I was going to support Hillary. I don't love her, but she seemed like the logical choice and inevitable nominee for the Democrats. Then a true progressive stepped up. And I began to believe. Ever since then, I have been 110% behind Mr. Sanders. That doesn't stop with tonight. An upset in Florida would have been amazing. As it is, I can't believe North Carolina is shaping up to be less than a 15% gap. Ohio hurts, but damn if I'm not proud of Missouri. They keep trying to say that it's not there. They keep writing us off. And we keep beating the polling numbers like it's nobody's business. Bernie is going to take it to the convention. He will have my support every step of the way. For 50 years, he

Daylight savings time is jacking with me- "What time is it? 7? 7!! I still have to make a blog post today! And feed the family! And finish this wallet!" I have been slightly busy sewing, taking pictures, and Etsy posting like a mad-woman. And just like that, the afternoon is gone! I took a long weekend this past week- 2 vacation days on Thursday and Friday. No real reason, just needed a break from the daily 8-5 grind. I was equal parts lazy and productive, and therefore, it was totally worth it. I finally finished my new yoga bag! Many hours of stitching and love went into it, and I must say I'm glad it's finally done...so I can stop trying to keep my mat from uncurling while I'm juggling 50 bajillion things on my way in and out of the studio. Namaste, baby. I dig it. I have some stuff on the horizon this week, and I don't want to jinx myself by writing it down yet, but it could maybehopefullypossibly be something super good for our family.

Yes, this post title requires 5 exclamation points. I hate winter that much, even if this year wasn't as bad as years past and my depression and anxiety didn't get nearly as bad. I will still take warmth any day.   freeimages.com/John De Boer  Sure, this is pretty, for about 10 seconds, and then you are just back to freezing your ass off.  (Although, to get all hippie and philosophical and shit, I try to take some kind of small pleasure in the hibernation of winter...resting and recharging like the earth and all that jazz) (But I would still rather be warm) So yes, I'm very excited for Spring to start in exactly 2 weeks. Bring. It. On. Last week's birthday party for Preston (best friend's husband) was fun. I was kind of in a funk all night, not sure why, but I still managed to end up laughing so hard I was crying several times, and got to spend time with good friends. Did I mention the theme? Barbarians and Librarians. Librarians.        

This is the part where I would normally say "Dang it's been so long since I made a blog post!" But HA! It's only been 5 days! (I'm very proud of myself). I *meant* for it to be sooner, but between a migraine on Wednesday evening and horrid, horrid cramps last night, I got a bit delayed. I did make a fantastic dinner last night, and tonight as well. Last night was chicken milanese with potatoes, mushrooms, and roasted asparagus. I only took a picture of the potatoes and mushrooms though.  Mmm...cast iron cooking for the win, right here! Pictures of food are something that seem to pop up a lot in my instagram, which I guess makes me a foodie. But I'm okay with that, because food is amazing and I like to eat. Part of the reason I keep taking pictures of my food like a weirdo though, is because I finally learned how to cook actual "from scratch" meals, thanks to this lady right here:  Ree Drummond might be a genius. There on the right side, you

Morning puppy snuggles are the best. This little dude thinks he's a human baby- he's a big fan of putting his back into my stomach and having me drape an arm over him while he sleeps. He's also been known to put his head on my pillow when we are sleeping too. And heaven forbid he's not under the blanket. Cuteness aside, it's been a laaaaaaazy day. No, really. Donovan had a friend over for a sleepover last night (AH! My baby is getting so big!), so in turn this means I was up at 7:30 when they were. I don't know how kids do it...they stayed up until nearly 11, and were bouncing off the walls and ready to play 8 hours later. I thought kids needed more sleep than adults?? I digress though. After his buddy got picked up, we laid around as a family for another hour or so, and then Dono and I got ready for Sunday Sangha. What is Sunday Sangha, you may be asking yourself. Well dear reader, it's pretty much the coolest "church" ever. Sangha is San

I *will* be posting from now on with some regularity. I have come to point where I either buckle down and prove to the world I can make this work, or give up on my dream.                                 which way...which way do I go? If I give up, I have options...I can go back to school. Get a degree with some meaning this time, probably become a licensed social worker or get in to public administration and work for the government. Earn a better income than I do right now. Here's the thing. I want to save the world. All the hurt people, I want to help. All the abused humans, I want to fix. I want to do something good. When I was younger, I had a therapist who was also a youth advocate for the court system. She loved being a therapist, but she also loved being a youth advocate. She told me once, though, that being an advocate was the most rewarding, but also the most heart-breaking thing she had ever done. She told me you can't just leave work at work. It followed h