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I mean it this time!

I *will* be posting from now on with some regularity.

I have come to point where I either buckle down and prove to the world I can make this work, or give up on my dream.
                                which way...which way do I go?
If I give up, I have options...I can go back to school. Get a degree with some meaning this time, probably become a licensed social worker or get in to public administration and work for the government. Earn a better income than I do right now.

Here's the thing.

I want to save the world. All the hurt people, I want to help. All the abused humans, I want to fix. I want to do something good.

When I was younger, I had a therapist who was also a youth advocate for the court system. She loved being a therapist, but she also loved being a youth advocate. She told me once, though, that being an advocate was the most rewarding, but also the most heart-breaking thing she had ever done. She told me you can't just leave work at work. It followed her home every night...worry, heartache, anxiety over the present and the future of the children she was involved with.

When I think of what I could be happy doing, if I weren't able to write/blog/sew/sell full time, it always comes back to people and helping. Most humans are good humans. I see this first hand at my current job everyday. People that, quite literally, are molded by the circumstances that were dealt to them, but at their core are good people. Currently, I am very limited on what I can do to make things better. So I do what I can. But I can't help enough, and it's frustrating.

If I make my own dreams come true, then my goal is to volunteer, and help that way, without being so involved that my livelihood depends on it and my heartgets was put through the ringer every day at work.

So here's the final answer, ladies and gents.

I will never be satisfied unless I give my dream my best. So that's what's going to happen. Maybe I will find out that I *don't* want to do this full time. Maybe I will figure out that blogging and 'gramming and sewing every day and doing craft fairs isn't all it's cracked up to be. And if that happens, back to school I will go. I'm only 31...I got time.

But for now, I have to throw myself at this, because I will always wonder what could have been if I don't.

If anyone out there is reading this, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for coming along on the journey.


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