Feeling the run down

That is my life at the moment.

We have been so busy- and it's not going to stop for awhile, at least another week.

I told Jon today that there's a very large part of me that wants to say "Screw it" and splurge on a vacation for us this summer.

My batteries need recharging. And for me, that means we get the fuck outta dodge and either go breathe in some mountain air or bury our toes in the sand at the Gulf. That means we go make memories as a family away from the every day bullshit.

Either this...

Or this...doesn't really matter to me, both are beautiful.

I feel like I'm in a bit of a funk right now...not satisfied with work, feeling trapped and stuck. I can't be UN-stuck for awhile, so I'm maintaining and every day I get just a little more frustrated and anxious and sometimes it feels like I can't breathe.

I also told Jon today that I can see the desire to buy an RV and just travel around the country, wandering. Of course that would mean pretty much no craft room or garden, and simplifying like crazy, and basically un-schooling our kid. But I get why people feel that way.

And here's the thing- I know, in a few months, I'd be dying to be back in Kansas City with our friends and family. This city is amazing and has my heart and always will. This feeling of suffocation always passes.

But even knowing that, it doesn't make it any easier in the moment.

Sorry for the melancholy after I haven't posted in a couple of weeks.

Writing is part of a catharsis for me, I feel better if I write it down (even if only a little) and now I'm off to go listen to Florence + the Machine and work on an Etsy order.

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Early Spring

Time marches on, and the wheel keeps turning.

It's already in the 60s and 70s here in Missouri. My blackberry bush and asparagus are budding. I'm pretty sure my strawberries never actually went dormant this winter.

It's time to get my seeds and seedlings to prepare for planting in a just a few more weeks.

I had an existential crisis in January. Wondering what the hell I was doing with my life, and why the fuck shouldn't I take a giant leap of faith?

So I did. I applied to grad school, to get my Master's in Library and Information Science (called an MLIS for short).

I got in. I GOT IN! OhchristalmightyIgotin!

It's still sinking in, a week later. I'm officially accepted and enrolled. I start in the fall of this year, and I am so. excited.

I feel much more settled now...with everything going on in our country and the world, having my job feel like it was suffocating me was just one more thing I couldn't take. I can't change what #45 is doing, or will d…

Shake It Out

We went to see Florence + the Machine last night for Buzz Under the Stars Night 1.

It was blessed. Flo took me to church and shook my soul up, and soothed my weary heart with her voice.

It's my second time seeing her in concert, and I think each time is always going to be like a religious experience. It's magic when an artist moves you to tears over and over.

Yesterday was full of excitement and love and peace.

Today (tonight really), my funk has started to rear its ugly head again. I feel...listless and restless and ready to explode out of my skin.

I've been perusing my favorite website, Rebelle Society, reading beautiful essays and poetry that resonate deeply, reflecting my worries and fears and anguish back to me and forcing me to look. Forcing me to accept that I'm hurting and scared when I want to just keep pretending that I'm all good.

Accepting my slump, I feel, is the first step towards pulling out of it. The cycles of depression I go through are not fun- b…

Life in the Time of Global Warming

I don't even know how to start writing today.

I just know I need to write.

Where to begin? I haven't posted since the beginning of September. And so much has changed.

I guess we can start with the Big One.

November 8th, 2016. I wasn't thrilled with my choice for the next leader of the free world, but I had accepted it. Made my peace. Knew that we would keep moving forward, and it would be so much better than going 50 steps back.

As my husband and I watched the results roll in, anticipation turned to disbelief, and dread. I kept refreshing the browser pages, my phone, anything to tell me that this wasn't actually happening, that it couldn't actually be real.

I didn't go to sleep until 3 am. I woke up at 6:30, bleary eyed, and in shock, and went to work. My mom called me to ask how I was. I burst into tears as I told her I was terrified.

As the transition began, we settled in to a "new normal"...daily there were things that made me angry, made me sad. I…

Flower Child Muses

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