Skip to main content

Shake It Out

We went to see Florence + the Machine last night for Buzz Under the Stars Night 1.

It was blessed. Flo took me to church and shook my soul up, and soothed my weary heart with her voice.

It's my second time seeing her in concert, and I think each time is always going to be like a religious experience. It's magic when an artist moves you to tears over and over.

Yesterday was full of excitement and love and peace.

Today (tonight really), my funk has started to rear its ugly head again. I feel...listless and restless and ready to explode out of my skin.

I've been perusing my favorite website, Rebelle Society, reading beautiful essays and poetry that resonate deeply, reflecting my worries and fears and anguish back to me and forcing me to look. Forcing me to accept that I'm hurting and scared when I want to just keep pretending that I'm all good.

Accepting my slump, I feel, is the first step towards pulling out of it. The cycles of depression I go through are not fun- but I long ago accepted that they will happen. The best thing I can do is accept that it is happening, and focus on being gentle with myself, loving myself, and finding the beauty that surrounds me. (This is why Flo's music speaks so deeply to me...she is absolutely right, how big and how blue and how beautiful the world is, when I take the time to really look).

My creativity has been a bit dry lately, that ever ebbing and flowing energy that every artist experiences, but I can feel it welling back up inside me, to the point where I may burst into a thousand pieces. By pouring my soul out onto the page in the form of a blog, I am siphoning off a little bit of it- a slight release of pressure that is so needed at the moment, as I bounce from my "real" job to spending time with my family, to connecting with friends and the plans that never seem to end right now. At some point out it will spill over completely and I will spend an evening feverishly sewing and knitting and letting it pour out of me until 2 am. But that day is not today, not yet. In the interim, I will continue to breathe, to exist, to just be, and to focus on healing my soul and my head.

I'd love to give photo credit here, but it's pulled from Pinterest and the original site is gone. Quote credit, at least, goes to Albus Dumbledore/J.K. Rowling.





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Filled to overflowing

Today was the day! I had my first ever craft fair! And it was fun, enlightening, and wore me out- I can't believe how tired I am tonight, but I had to get a post in on this most awesome of days! So, on this gorgeous Saturday here in Kansas City (unseasonably warm for the middle of November, but hey, it's Missouri!), I participated in a first annual craft fair for a local school district's food service team. I have spent the last 2 weeks sewing and knitting til my eyes burned and my hands ached, and at this point I feel like it was well worth it in order to have this experience. I didn't make a killing, but I *did* make a profit, and for that I'm thankful! More than anything, this was a huuuuuge learning experience- I took pictures, and it will be obvious that I have so much potential to grow! Doing this first show really brought it into perspective for me though, and helped focus me on what dream I have in my head for how I want Flower Child to be branded and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Long Time No Chat

It has been a hectic month out here in Kansas! I have been dealing with some issues of my own, and working through those has kept me from focusing 100% on my business. I have been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder with panic attacks, as well as a long-time battle with depression. I've been working through some demons the last 6 weeks, and I feel as though I'm finally making progress. I'm well-medicated now, I think between the doc and the therapist we've finally found the right balance of everything without me having to be totally dependent on Xanax to get through the day. I still need it occasionally, I can normally tell when my anxiety level is getting high and a panic attack is gonna be rearing it's ugly head, and I can take a Xanax to curb it. I'd rather just not have the panic attacks all together, but I'll do what I gotta to try and live/feel/have a normal life. I have made the decision not to let this control me, and not to let this keep me from...
Post a Comment
Read more

Oh Sundays

Morning puppy snuggles are the best. This little dude thinks he's a human baby- he's a big fan of putting his back into my stomach and having me drape an arm over him while he sleeps. He's also been known to put his head on my pillow when we are sleeping too. And heaven forbid he's not under the blanket. Cuteness aside, it's been a laaaaaaazy day. No, really. Donovan had a friend over for a sleepover last night (AH! My baby is getting so big!), so in turn this means I was up at 7:30 when they were. I don't know how kids do it...they stayed up until nearly 11, and were bouncing off the walls and ready to play 8 hours later. I thought kids needed more sleep than adults?? I digress though. After his buddy got picked up, we laid around as a family for another hour or so, and then Dono and I got ready for Sunday Sangha. What is Sunday Sangha, you may be asking yourself. Well dear reader, it's pretty much the coolest "church" ever. Sangha is San...
Post a Comment
Read more